Disease

There is something inherently wrong
At the core of my being
Laced in the strands of my DNA

There is no cure for this
It has killed countless people
People better than me
People who deserve the best
That life can offer

But I don’t think I deserve this
This weight that never leaves my shoulders
This darkness that lingers in my thoughts
This disease that will one day be my undoing

I know my pity is sickening
It sickens me too
But I cannot fix what was always broken

So do not tell me to cheer up
Do not tell me it gets better
Do not tell me to live in the moment

I have spent my whole life wondering
Which breath will be my last

But every day I try
And I get out of bed
And I claw my way towards the light
And I am scratched and bruised
And sore and bleeding

But I am still here
And that’s something.