A Truth Told

You pulled me tighter in the dark,
Fingers tracing circles on my skin,
And I whispered the truth
Against your shirt
But I don’t think you heard.

I reached out my hand for yours
And you took it.
And right then I wouldn’t have cared
If I never got it back.
You know I’d give you anything.

All through the night I woke
And kissed your cheek and forehead
Softly
The way the rising sun kisses the sky.
And you thanked me every time.

So maybe it doesn’t matter
That you didn’t hear me when
I whispered the truth against your shirt.
That night we told it to one another
In many ways beyond words.

What Will You Say

I often wonder
What will happen if you leave me.
I wonder how much it will hurt
And how much time it will take
For the pain to stop.
I wonder if you’ll come back
Or if you’ll be a stranger
Ten years down the line.

But sometimes I wonder
About the girl after me.
The woman who will take my place
In your arms after I am gone
And the smell of my perfume
Has long left your sheets.

And I wonder what you will say to her.
Will you tell her about the girl before me
And how she broke your heart?
Will you tell her how you did the same to me?

Will she hear about the cookies I would bake
Or the songs I would sing for your ears only?
Will you tell her that I had beautiful eyes
And how often you saw them cry?

Will you mention how good it was with me
Hair-grabbing-lip-biting-can’t-get-enough?
Will she hear about how we’d lay together after,
My head on your chest, counting your heartbeats?

Will she feel sorry for me when you tell her
About my life and my loneliness?
Will she worry that the sympathy in your voice
Could almost be mistaken for love?

And most of all I wonder if you will tell her
Why despite all of this you couldn’t find it in you
To love a girl who didn’t wear her heart on her sleeve
But handed it to you on a silver platter.

I wonder a lot about the girl after me.
I wonder if you’ll call me your ex
When you wouldn’t call me your girlfriend.
I wonder if you’ll secretly think
I was more kind or more talented.
I wonder if she’ll give you whatever it was
That I couldn’t give.

And I wonder about you too.
I wonder if you’ll regret losing me.
I wonder if you’ll wish you’d stayed.
I wonder how long after
The smell of my perfume has left your sheets
Will it take for the memory of me
To leave your mind.

And if we meet again in ten years time,
I wonder what you will say.

Writing about the Writer

I write about others so often
It is time I wrote about myself

I was born in winter
But I am warm
My soul was forged in flames
I am mostly neutral
But prone to passion
Beware of my fiery temper.

I loved to swim
But longed to fly
And escape the life that didn’t fit me
I envy the birds
Who can so easily leave
Beware of my flightiness.

I laugh often and loudly
But rarely have much joy
And laughter is necessary to drown my thoughts
I try to hide the darkness
With a smiling face
Beware of what’s beneath my mask.

I was never pretty
But now and then I am beautiful
And for once I can say that without apology
I have striking features
And a kind heart
Beware of my newfound confidence.

I enjoy solitude
But longed for love
And was never happier than when I had someone
I gave love everything
And asked for nothing in return
Beware of my broken heart.

I am a sum of contradictions

Disaster, perfection

A mess, a masterpiece

I am not just a broken toy

Or the ghost of a girl who never lived

I am real. I am me.
And one day I will be enough.